Kids Are Hungry For Love

Moms and dads, our kids are hungry for love. And nothing communicates love like a parent’s hug. What makes a hug so meaningful, and what does a hug mean to a child? How do you hug when your child feels unhuggable, and how do you re-establish the closeness when the door closes?

A sincere hug can provide incredible security and energize a child in seconds. A hug communicates with the emotional heart like no other gift endowed by our Creator! A hug says, “It’s ok,” “I treasure you,” “You are adorable,” “You are deeply valued,” “I’m proud of you,” “I believe in you.”

Through decades of ministry, I have been delighted to learn that kids long for meaningful hugs. College students, men, and even rich NFL athletes wearing diamond rings that would make good fishing line weights are starved for them if they didn’t receive them in childhood.

A hug is like a hot fudge sundae. It tastes good 24/7/365!

But, of course, hugs aren’t the only way to communicate love. A warm smile, a gentle nod of the head, a “thumbs up,” an “Attaboy,” a “Way to go, buddy,” a note in the lunchbox, a note on the bathroom mirror–all are good; all are effective. When you’re in one of those “seasons” when hugging isn’t cool, there are solid alternatives that may be your only option.

Here’s a smorgasbord of still more ways to say, “I love you.” Pick a few that fit your family’s needs this month, and “dish them out” as the opportunities arise.

• Build a “responsibilities” daily challenge for each child. Things like 1. “Get up on time” 2. “Make Bed” 3. “Clean room” 4. “Empty trash 5. “Sweep front porch” etc… Offer a “weekly and annually reward” for completion. This can start at age three and proceed through high school. It is huge in terms of attitude and professional development.
• Save ten percent of your energy from your workday and take it home with you to spend on your children and spouse. Offer your best to your family. (This one was a life changer for me!)
• In love, challenge your children to make goals (challenge them to stretch themselves) and strive for them (press on!).
• Listen very patiently–even when your ears are tired!
• Talk with each other about your favorite books and why you like them.
• Remind your child often that he or she is created in the image of God.
• When your child’s friends need an adult (besides their parents) to talk to, be there.
• Turn off the TV (or iPhone, Internet, or video game) and play a game together.
• If your child has a bike or car, help him or her wash it.
• Go jogging or hiking together.
• Say something encouraging about your children in front of their friends.
• Sit outside some night and talk together as you watch the moon and stars.
• Cook breakfast together on Saturday morning.
• Be consistent in your discipline. Establish guidelines and follow through with what you say you’ll do.
• In a moment when you and your child are relaxed and enjoying each other’s company, tell your child about your spiritual past–your wonderings and your wanderings, how you found Christ, and how Christ has changed your life.
• Think about: When you consider the biblical command to “love the Lord your God with all your strength,” what relevance could it have for the way you love your child?
• With your child, answer this question: “What is the funniest thing that ever happened to you?”
• Allow your son or daughter to go to work with you and be your helper.
• Tell your child, “You contribute so much to this family.”
• Ask your children how you can pray for them, then pray together.
• Celebrate your children’s achievements and victories, but don’t let them feel they have to “win” to be loved. Accept and love them at all times and communicate that your greatest joy is because of who they are, not what they do.
• Laugh together.
• Look at old family photo albums together.
• Don’t be afraid to admit to your child when you’re wrong.
• Ask your child, “What are your biggest dreams for the future?”
• Attend every open-to-parents function at your child’s school.
• Talk frequently with your child about spiritual lessons you’re learning. (Invite his or her observations about how well you’re applying them!)
• As often as possible, let your child hear you say to the ones you love, “I love you.”
• When you and your child are around other adults, include him or her in those adult conversations.
• Be honest. If you have wrongly withheld or distorted something in the way you’ve talked with your child, confess your dishonesty and tell your child the truth.
• Give your child the freedom to fail. Remember, mistakes are never fatal.
• When your child is sick, stay up with him or her at night.
• Say “please” and “thank you” each time you ask your child to do something.
• Tell your son or daughter, “I’ll never give up on you,” and mean it.

This newsletter is never meant to be a “marketing piece” in any way, but as our team prepares for Kamp, I’m reminded of how the Lord uses this place to dramatically change kids’ lives. I’ve heard my wise and logical wife, Debbie-Jo, say several times, “The worst mistake we ever made as parents was letting a high school coach talk us out of sending our son to Kamp because of summer team workouts.” Kids need two or four weeks of Kamp more than ever before to build their inside braces to fight the outside pressures literally crushing the moral fiber of an entire generation challenged by moral issues the likes of which no generation of kids has ever known.

I’m so grateful to get to “partner with you,” with your kids, and with the kids of our nation. Your prayers, your faith, and your “ambassadorship” for Kamp are irreplaceable. Thank you.

You too are loved!